We often think of recovery as something we have to give things up for, but it is also about building. In addition to developing healthier behaviors and lifestyle patterns, one of the most valuable tools a person can build for themselves is the capacity to make healthy boundaries.
Healthy boundaries can and will support healing both inside and out, protecting the person in recovery from the things that threaten their wellbeing and allowing them to operate on a higher level in all aspects of their life.
Whether brand new or well into recovery, learning to build healthy boundaries is a lifelong process that will enrich everything the person does.
Why Healthy Boundaries Are Better Than Self Discipline
There are many who think that success in recovery is defined by how disciplined a person is, which, up to a point, is reasonable. However, discipline tends to go out the window when we are around friends, at work, or in any other place or situation where our healthy habits are threatened.
Healthy boundaries allow a person to control their environment to better support their health.
For instance, you may feel incredible pressure from friends and coworkers to use drugs and alcohol, but willpower alone is not nearly as important as being around people who won’t try to convince you to engage in those behaviors. Boundaries allow people in recovery to be picky about where they spend their time and energy to maximize chances of long-term success.
The Many Boundaries We Didn’t Know We Had
When most people think of “boundaries” what they really mean are the hard conversations we have to have with people that threaten our health. However, boundaries reach far beyond discussions with friends and family. In fact, there are some kinds of boundaries we didn’t even know we had!
Some common boundaries that everyone should consider discussing with themselves or loved ones include:
- Emotional boundaries — these pertain to how much we allow other people to affect our emotions
- Time boundaries — this is about scheduling and making time for treatment and recovery
- Social boundaries — this pertains to what environment we choose to expose ourselves to
- Work boundaries — this can help us avoid overworking
In most cases, strong boundaries are the result of small choices we have made to put our health first in each of these areas.
How To Set Healthy Boundaries Without Saying No Constantly
For most of us, learning to refuse people and situations is one of the hardest parts of establishing healthy boundaries in our life. It helps to understand that being picky about the people we allow in our life is not rudeness or egotism. It is true self-love.
For example, if we choose not to attend a friend’s drinking party, it is not about rejecting our friends, it is about rejecting the idea that alcohol is a part of our life. Healthy boundaries allow us to focus on what we need without having to accept or deny anyone based on what they represent in our life.
How Loved Ones Might Start Behaving Differently During Our Recovery
Loved ones can often unintentionally sabotage health and recovery goals by not knowing how to act around us. Setting firm but loving boundaries is a great way to let loved ones know what actions we will and won’t tolerate, including:
- Allowing or encouraging substance use around us
- Disrespecting or criticizing our path of recovery
- Expecting more from us than we can realistically provide
- Not making space for us to pursue our health
As mentioned, strong boundaries are not about controlling others, they are about making it clear how others impact our health.
The Simple Daily Routines That Make Building Boundaries Easier
Having certain routines in place make it much easier for us to build and enforce our boundaries, including:
- Having a bedtime, and eating and waking up at reasonable times
- Having prepared and healthy meals to eat
- Making plans to attend important meetings in advance
- Setting aside time for physical activity and relaxation
- Having at least one night a week where we do absolutely nothing for our own sanity
It is very important that we continue to make these small commitments to ourselves and reinforce them in our mind as necessary routines, not optional activities.
When The Boundaries We Set Don’t Seem Enough
There are times when life gets extremely difficult and doing the right thing just doesn’t seem right anymore. In these cases, getting additional outside support may be extremely helpful and healing.
If we feel like we are losing control or not getting the success from boundaries and routine that we need, it is important to reach out to trusted friends or additional treatment sources rather than suffer in silence.
For anyone interested in learning more about the recovery resources and individual treatment options available, Anchored Healing Center has access to comprehensive professional resources that can help a person move beyond early stage treatment and into long-term behavioral health recovery appropriate for their unique needs.
The Best Recovery Programs Prepare Us For The Long Term
The more boundaries we build in all areas of our life, the deeper control we have over our physical and mental health, and the greater ability to make changes that support lasting healing.
Healthy boundaries are most effective when applied gradually and consistently, because the more consistency we build in our life, the less room there is for mistakes or impulsive decisions that can negatively impact healing.
As we learn to make smaller and larger choices every single day based on what we need most to be happy and healthy, it becomes easier to make bigger choices that reflect real change in our life and the natural impact those changes have had on us.
Conclusion
Healthy boundaries are arguably one of the best investments we can make in our own health and healing, as they directly affect the people, places and habits that have the greatest impact on our life. We will always make better choices in better surroundings, which means boundaries should be viewed not as an end or limitation, but as an expansion and improvement of our current lifestyle options.
As we give ourselves the room to breathe, say what we need, say yes and no to people, places, and situations based on what they represent for us, we are well on our way to building lifelong health and the capacity for real change.
